A Letter To My Prior Self About Friendship ✉️
And two new podcast episodes
Hey David!
Welcome to NYC! You unexpectedly moved here, and you don’t really know what to expect. You know a few people here but you are looking to start a new chapter. That’s awesome!
Here are a few learnings that might be helpful:
NYC has amazing people. You can find your people here. Keep looking until you have found them. And it only takes one or two people to open up new worlds and social circles for you.
Many people have moved here too. They will understand your situation and won’t pass judgement. Try to show that you are committed to staying here though. People want to support and connect with people they think will be around for awhile and that they will see again.
Try to become friends with people not because of what they do for work. You will then have many meaningful things to talk about.
If you think you don’t have much to offer, your presence, word, and commitment matters and carries weight. Show-up when you say are going to and it will be noticed and appreciated.
Cherish your friends that help you make new friends or see your current friends more.
Do things that help you stay connected with your friends. Host events, start a podcast, create a group chat, start a ritual, etc.
Keep going to events hosted by the same people and communities. You will develop more confidence, more people will recognize you, and small talk can turn into more meaningful conversations over time. This will also increase the odds of you getting invited to upcoming events.
Do things that help you make a commitment to your friends. Accountability to your friends can be incredibly motivating!
Try to live with friends or friends of friends. Living near your friends makes it easier to see your friends too. Both of which can help you make new friends!
Coworking with friends regularly is a great way to get work done and stay connected with your friends. It's hard to pull off. Schedules don't always align…but it can be really great!
Hosting events is an incredible way to stay connected to people and deepen relationships. Hosting one event can also lead to many other events (e.g. catch-ups, invites to other events, etc)!
Try to be explicit about wanting to be friends with someone. This can remove some friendship uncertainty.
Friendship in NYC often has seasons. Notice when you are in active friendship season or not. It’s OK to give space to a friendship too. You never know what someone else is going through.
Look for “friendship moments.” This is a moment when you could: support a friend with a new project, try to help them get a new job, help them have a hard conversation, provide feedback and support on their creative work, try to find housing, etc. Try to be there when it counts!
Invest into the relationships that invest into you.
Here are a few resources that could be helpful too:
NYC Community Experience Ecosystem overview organized by Taylor Harrington
I hope this helps! It can be hard, lonely, and uncertain…. But once you find your people, it’s all worth it!
-David Nebinski
If you prefer a quick video about this post, here you go!
🎧 Portfolio Career Podcast Episodes
#317: How To Be A Better Friend with Nikki and Martina
Speaking of friendship…. I recorded a fun mini roundtable episode with Nikki and Martina. We talked about the many of the topics mentioned above!
#316: The Hot Seat with Tara, Bhaumik, and Erin
In this Hot Seat episode, you will learn about:
how basketball became a passion for Tara and the life lessons she has learned from it
how to have a hard conversation by Bhaumik and to say “tell me more”
the power of frequency healing by Erin
That is it for now!
Thanks for being here,
-David Nebinski, who wants to know what letter you want to write to your prior self
PS: I wrote this letter because my friends are so meaningful to me. And this is what I wish I would’ve known when I moved to NYC in 2016. Thanks for being here! 🫶
Love this so much!