Community Breakdown: Met Through Friends
NYC Gatherings and a new podcast episode
I am excited to share the next Community Breakdown with Elle Wilson, the Founder of Met Through Friends! Here we go with Elle!
1. How did Met Through Friends get started?
I hosted my first singles party for my own friends back in 2022, with the insight that I had lots of wonderful, “dateable” friends who, confusingly, weren’t finding any success on dating apps. What would happen if I got them and the other great people they knew offline and into a room full of others looking for the same thing? After a series of increasingly popular events, I founded the company with the core belief that we all know great people and can make more meaningful connections by leaning back into our IRL networks.
2. How did you decide on your friend of a friend event gathering model?
The initial idea came from the insight that while people seemed to claim that there were “no good people left” to date, I personally knew plenty of them (and knew they knew others). While I understood the frustration people were encountering, particularly when it came to meeting people on dating apps, I simply didn’t buy the premise that there weren’t amazing people out there who were also looking for connection!
Currently, I describe the +1 model as one in which each guest has to bring someone “of the orientation they’re interested in dating.” For example, this means that men interested in women have to bring women interested in men, and vice versa. I’m incredibly firm on this model because I think it serves a number of important purposes–one of which is simply ensuring gender balance, and another of which is ensuring that everyone has a built-in support system, because dating events can be nerve-wracking! Fundamentally, however, I’ve learned that bringing a +1 is a sufficiently high bar for ensuring that people are a good fit for what I’m looking to create. Bringing a friend is a challenge but can (hopefully) elicit meaningful reflection: do you have strong friendships across gender lines? Do you cultivate relationships with people you would vouch for, and who would vouch for you? Are you brave and resilient enough to take a chance on inviting someone to come to an event with you? While I’m certain there are people who would be a great fit who don’t currently have a good +1 to bring, I’ve found that requiring this action from guests results in consistently aligned groups of people showing up. Attendees tend to have strong friendships and social skills, are vouched for by someone else there, and are looking to make actual connections. Additionally, within my community, I see a lot less vitriol about dating than social media would lead you to believe is out there–it’s hard to vilify entire genders or groups of people when you have to reach across the aisle to bring a trusted friend. While there is a lot of (very understandable) anger and frustration in modern dating, it is my goal to help build spaces where there is more trust and accountability that can fuel more openness, connection, and fun.
3. What is your hot take on modern dating?
In response to my +1 requirement, I hear a lot of people say that they have “no one to bring,” or that “if they knew a single man/woman, they would be dating them.” To me, this is indicative of a much broader problem of social isolation or disconnection, and it’s much bigger than dating. I am in no way looking to blame people for this disconnection–there are a lot of major social and cultural forces that are eroding our social lives. However, I’ve come to believe that some dating challenges might not just be about dating.
Sometimes, when someone says they have “no one to bring,” it isn’t actually true: when they look around, they remember the amazing college friends, coworkers, cousins, siblings, or friends-of-friends who surround them every day. I hope people see that as an encouraging reminder that there are plenty of great people around! However, when someone truly seems to be in a position where they don’t know anyone of the orientation they’re looking to date, that tells me more about a social life that may be devoid of loose ties, chance encounters, or a broad, rich social network. The next person you date could be your coworker’s roommate, or your brother’s classmate, or your neighbor’s cousin. Diverse networks of friends are full of allies and opportunities, and a life without them can be isolating and devoid of serendipity. Rather than focusing narrowly on romantic connections, I think many of us could benefit from investing more in human connections of all kinds–platonic, professional, familial, spiritual–and being open to what those connections bring.
4. It seems like you have been hosting A LOT of events recently, what’s the story behind that?
It’s been a big season of experimentation! I’ve been iterating on a lot of event variables–format, facilitation, size, location, time, price, etc.--and wanted to give myself many opportunities to try new things in the wake of major demand for in-person events. It’s given me a lot of data about what works well (and what doesn’t) so that I can feel more confident that I’m hosting events worth attending.
Sidenote: Elle shared a little bit about Met Through Friends on my podcast before if you want to listen here starting around minute 26!
5. You have been able to collaborate with a lot of different groups. How do those collabs go down?
I love collabs! In the early stages of designing event formats, I found myself hung up on trying to design the “perfect” event structure that worked for everyone. I came to the conclusion that it simply didn’t exist! While there are certainly core features of members of my community and best practices that serve them, there are also simply many kinds of single people in many different communities who like many different things. Rather than trying to invent infinite new event formats, I decided to partner with existing organizations who did their own activities well, with the insight that many of them had plenty of single people looking for connection. It’s often a win-win: I get exposure to great single people who would likely be interested in other formats, and they get exposure to people who are excited about their community beyond its potential for romantic connection.
6. You also offer dating coaching. What do people typically need support on or with?
People come in with all sorts of challenges (and I can confidently say that the challenge they arrive with is never the challenge we realize is actually holding them back). However, some of the major themes are a lack of clarity regarding what they’re really looking for and a fear of failure in pursuing it. People tend to think a lot about descriptive characteristics they’re looking to “find” (“I want them to have a master’s degree!” “They need to be tall!”) and less about the characteristics of the relationship they’re looking to build, and whether the actions they’re taking are getting them closer to making that a reality. There’s a lot of fear bound up in daring to dream about the life you want to build (“What if it doesn’t exist?” “What if I try and get rejected?”) but on the other side of that fear is clarity and action. I work with people to be truly honest about what they want, and to design a game plan that supports the bravery and resilience that will help get them there.
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Thanks again for doing this, Elle! Check out her upcoming events here!
NYC Gatherings: check out my NYC Gatherings calendar for fun gatherings to attend in NYC!
🎧 Podcast Episode
This week’s podcast episode was all about being scared and managing it. I talked about a time I was scared speaking at an event but it ultimately led to connection, conversation, and unexpected serendipity. Some other really great stories across many life dimensions were shared. Enjoy it here!
David Nebinski, who is sitting on the couch contemplating going for a walk or not. going for a walk is usually a good idea, right?
PS: feel free to reply back and say hi! song of the week recs always appreciated too!